


Akira’s Guide to Being the Leader of the Phantom Thieves :0

by A Mess (NathanAlexanderWrites)



Series: Messy [1]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Akira is going insane, Akira might mention some shit I'm not sure, Attempt at Humor, Based on the original P5, Crack, Diary/Journal, He's literally writing a guide about being the leader, I'm Sorry, I'm trying to think of tags, Kinda, Leave recommendations in the comments because I have NO FUCKING CLUE, Possibly mild spoilers, Rated Mature for the amount of times Akira says fuck, oh no
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 03:30:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19985371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NathanAlexanderWrites/pseuds/A%20Mess
Summary: HELLO, GUYS GALS AND NON-BINARY PALS. I'M AKIRA, AKA JOKER, AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT BEING THE LEADER OF THE RENOWN PHANTOM THIEVES. IT'S A BIT MORE THAN GOING AROUND AND SHOOTING BASTARDS. ROOTIN' TOOTIN' POINT AND SHOOTIN' I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING WITH MY GOD DAMN LIFE AT THIS POINT. SO, BUCKLE UP BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO SHOW YOU THE ROPES OF BEING THE LEADER.





	Akira’s Guide to Being the Leader of the Phantom Thieves :0

**Author's Note:**

> My friend Jack helped with this idea, so, if you like it, thank him. I was hesitant about doing it because it was such a wired idea. It popped in my head after the thought of Akira being asked who he would appoint as leader instead of him. It then evolved in Akira saying, "there's so much that I could write a guide at this point." THAT'S WHERE THE IDEA CAME FROM. If you're expecting anything serious, though why would after THAT summary, turn back now. From this point on its just memes and Akira descending into madness.

You'd better hope the Morgana bus has seatbelts because this is gonna be one WILD RIDE.

The first thing ya need to know is your party is an idiot. Collectively, you're gonna have 2 brain cells. I love the party to death, BUT MY GOD. They will also talk about random shit in Mementos. I don't know why they think Mementos is an opportunity to open up about their deepest darkest thoughts, but they do. You'll hear shit from, "I like tea," to, "I'm literally starving." It's wild and I don't know how to deal with it half the time. Neither will you so have fun!

The second thing you're gonna need to know is that fights are easy, but sometimes will fuck you up. Why? Because some Shadows don't HAVE ANY GODDAMN WEAKNESS AND ARE RESISTANT TO PHYSICAL ATTACKS. So, if you see a Shadows like that, ignore the fact that it's resistant and stab them until they fall over. Also, don't waste your SP on any Shadows you can hack and slash. Why? It's Mementos and if you die you must have done something really fucking stupid. Or you were fighting someone's Shadow for a request. Some of those fuckers are difficult. Also, DON'T LET THOSE FUCKERS FOOL YOU. If they look like a Shadow you've fought before DO NOT ASSUME THEY HAVE THE SAME WEAKNESS. They won't and then you'll be sad because you just got your hopes for nothing. I speak from experience, it fucking sucks. 

Alright, onto the 3rd thing. There's NO FUCKING POINT to explore the top levels anymore. You might be thinking, "hm, Akira, that's pretty odd, why's that? Is that because the treasure isn't good on the first floors anymore." If you're thinking that, YOU'RE DEAD FUCKING WRONG. Treasure doesn't matter in Mementos, what matters IS RAMMING HEADFIRST INTO EVERY FUCKING SHADOW YOU SEE. On the top levels though, they fucking run from you. Look, I don't want to run into a Shadow that's running for IT'S GODDAMN LIFE. So, don't explore on the top levels unless you want to feel like a fucking monster. 

Now, if you're wondering which members to have in your fighting party, don't. You'll only need to decide one as Yusuke and Ryuji are not optional. It doesn't matter what you think of them, they fuck shit up well. So, they need to be part of your wrecking crew. The other one doesn't matter as long as they can FUCK SHIT UP. Pick your favorite or pick the person you want to suffer, I don't care. Also, if you see a "Special Shadow," try to fight it, not get it, try to kill it. It gives great XP. Normally, they'll be weak to one thing and resistant TO LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE. It's ridiculous. I don't care that they're "Special" they don't get to be resistant to everything but one thing. IT'S BULLSHIT AND I WILL PREACH THAT FROM THE FUCKING ROOFTOPS. 

Whelp. I think I've gotten Mementos covered. Tl;dr: Get ready for some wild conversations, just stab Shadows, don't explore the top levels at this point, have Ryuji and Yusuke in your party, and kill those special fuckers. 

Akira out.


End file.
